Our love was carved in the wood
by Ejes
Summary: Kagura was alone, treated as a foreigner by everyone in the class, fighting almost every day with the Sadist. But the day she meets Kamui, who blames her for their mother's death, she feels even more lonely. What if he was right? But then, she finds out that's she's not that alone... And sometimes, your ennemies are the people who know you best? OkiKagu, OneShot


_Hi ! Here I come with a new fic~ I wanted so badly to write one on the 3Z universe! I hope you'll like it ! (and I swear this time there won't be any french hidden in it xD but there will be for sure weird sentences, my english isn't perfect I'm afraid)_

_I do not own Gintama~*_

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I've never been a crybaby. I might have cried quite a lot when I was young, but never for no reason. My brother having scary friends. My mother having violent fevers. My father and my brother fighting. My mom starting to cough blood. My brother trying to kill my father. My mother collapsing. My brother leaving our home. My mother sleeping a lot. My brother leaving me behind. My mother becoming a star in the sky. My brother not showing up at the funerals. My dad working so much I barely saw him once a week. My brother not being at home anymore. Just me. Alone. And Crying.

I never cried when it wasn't important. But, this time, my eyes red and puffy, I felt like it was stupid and meaningless to sob like I was doing, hiding in the infirmary.

Well, actually, the stupid thing I did was to apply to this school, eight months ago. I perfectly knew my brother was there, and I knew that just seeing him still hurt my broken heart. But the admission fees weren't expensive, and I couldn't afford much better.

I did all I could to avoid him. I didn't have many friends, Tae was nice and fun but no matter how much she liked me, I was still a foreigner to her. Her brother was nice and polite, never said anything mean to me, but no matter how many times he greeted me every morning, I was still a foreigner to him. And to anyone. In Japan, there were only two types of person : the Japanese, and the foreigner. Foreigners should be happy you show any interest in them. And, even though my Japanese was almost perfect, I was still born and raised in China, and thus was like an alien beneath earthlings. In the class, you could see every kind of behaviors towards me : the friendly ones, like Tae and her brother, the ones ignoring me, like Hijikata (who ignored almost everyone anyway) and Hamuko, and the one hating me and clearly showing it, Okita Sadi... Sougo. He bullied me every time he could – but I guess it wouldn't be fair to say I wasn't taking my revenge every time.

Anyway, not having real friends made it easy to me to avoid my brother. I could eat lunch in places where no one ever went, while he was eating on the roof. I could go home (a tiny flat I was renting) as soon as the class was over, while he stayed with his friends, Takasugi and Abuto, bullying grannies or stealing freshmen' money, or whatever delinquents do when they're together.

But this time, the odds were not in my favor. The teacher (Ginpachi-sensei, who probably passed the teacher's exam by cheating) asked me to go and make some extra copies of a paper. And, of course, guess who I met skipping classes...

When my eyes met the same cerulean eyes I had, I gasped. I don't know what I expected, but Kamui simply smiled. No. Smirked.

"So you're still here, uh? How come you came here? Missing your dear _onii-chan_?"

I was about to answer, but he snapped.

"Keep going what you're good at. Avoid me. Look away. Like you did, every time the old man tried to kill me, instead of trying to stop him. Go on, little coward. Run away. You know what killed 'Ma ? To know she had such a useless daughter. Heard there was only you at home when she died. Guess if you called an ambulance instead of crying she would still be there. _You_ killed her. I came all this way just to stay away from a useless coward like you, so don't you think you have the right to talk to me."

And that was all. The first conversation we had in ten years. And all I could notice is that after those ten years, he still missed Mami, and the reason he left me behind was because I couldn't do anything. And, thus I was only five back then, I felt like he was right. I killed my mother, my father also thought so and that was why he wasn't coming home often. I destroyed my family.

That was the reason I was hiding in the infirmary to spill out every single tear left in my body, even though I knew crying wouldn't get my father back, my brother back, my mother back. My family was gone, and I couldn't do anything to get it back.

The door opened. The Prince of the Sadists was standing there. He was the last person I wanted to see with those puffy eyes. But he shrugged.

"I thought that since I had nothing to do, I could bully you again, but... Where would be the point if you're already crying? Too bad, guess I'll just fight someone else."

And he was gone. I wasn't sure if he came to check if I was okay or really to fight me. I suppose it was a bit of both. But seeing him reminded me I had to go out of this room, and pretend this never happened. All I wanted was to go home. I dried my swollen eyes, practised a few smile and walked in the corridor. I met Tae in the corridor, and told her to excuse myself to the teacher, to tell I was sick.

I don't remember well what happened after that. I couldn't think properly of anything, so I guess I just walked home and went straight to bed, because when I opened my eyes again, I was lying fully dressed in my bed.

At least I was feeling better. I didn't think I could face my brother this day, maybe even this week, but this aside, I felt alive again. Just bury the guilt deep down in your body and perhaps you'll forget about it.

In front of the school, our class's pet, Gorilla -rumors pretended he was human, and even one of our classmate, but you know, rumors those days – was carving something on a tree. Curious, I looked at it but couldn't understand what it meant. As soon as I got into the classroom, I asked Tae.

"So that was something looking like an umbrella, and he had already carved his name under it and he was writing yours."

Tae's aura turned from 'don't mess with me' to 'I need to punch someone to death right now'.

"He did whaaaat? If you excuse me, I'm gonna roast that Gorilla... Shinpachi, find me some fuel and a match!"

Her brother looked at her with awe, unsure whether she was serious or not.

"What does that symbol means? He wants to share an umbrella with you? Why doesn't he ask directly?"

Tae gave me a pitiful look.

"You mean that you don't know what... Oh, yes, of course, I guess only Japanese people can understand that."

There we were again. That was why, despite her being so friendly, I couldn't eat with her. She was unaware of it, but like everyone else, she treated me like an ignorant born without education.

"It's called a love umbrella. People say that if you carve your name and your lover's name under the umbrella, then you're going to be happy together forever."

"That's stupid. How could damaging a tree bring you happiness? Shouldn't it bring you the anger of the tree's spirit instead?"

Again that pitiful look.

"Come on, Kagura, don't tell me you wouldn't be ready to do anything to be happy with your loved one?"

"I don't know. Never had any."

And that was true. I couldn't trust people anymore. My heart was so broken that I barely understood how it still could beat.

"Really? Not even Okita-kun? I mean, he's probably the one you're spending the most of your time with... And you look so alive when you're teasing him, or when he teases you..."

"He's a sadist. He makes me suffer. So yeah, I'm delighted to watch him being hurt. When spend our time fighting."

"And there's never anything else?"

I shook my head. Okay, there might be yesterday, when I'm pretty sure he came to see if I was fine. Maybe this other day, when I almost slipped on the stairs, and he caught me before I fell (he grabbed my hair, actually. And that hurts.). Or that day, when he looked so sad, and people were whispering that was the anniversary of his sister's death, and he just sat next too me, without a word, and fell asleep, his head falling on my shoulder. Maybe even that other day, when I was feeling a little bit down and he gave me his lunch, chatted a bit with me, and we both laughed when we saw our incompetent teacher losing all the papers he was carrying because of a blow of wind.

But I didn't feel like those memories had something to do with my feelings towards him. He was my rival. How could he be anything else?

"You know", said Tae after a pause, "before you came, he barely spoke to anyone. Sometimes chatting with Gorilla, or threatening Hijikata, but I never saw that light in his eyes before the day he put a pin on your chair and your put a steel-jaw trap on his shoe locker as a revenge. I don't know if he brought anything good to you, but believe me : you were the light that guided him out of the darkness he shut himself into since his sister death. You brought him back. You can't be just a victim to him. You've got to be special."

I didn't say anything, thinking about it. That was true I never saw him talking to anyone but to the Shinsengumi, as we nicknamed the student council. And to me. I knew quite a lot about him – he was really talkative when fighting. And even when the fight was over, and we sat side to side, panting, he continued talking. Eventually, I would too tell him a few things about me. Not much.

"This is bad!"

Yamazaki, the badminton club leader and student of our class, burst into the room in panic.

"Okita is... He's fighting against..."

I raised my head. I wasn't his only opponent, he fought many people here, in this high school with a bad reputation. And we never made a ruckus, no matter what the fight was. Nobody cared. So why should we now?

"His opponent is that strong third year, Kamui!"

That was bad. The Sadist was strong, strong enough to beat almost anyone in this school. Anyone, but my brother, who could leave a deep print in a concrete wall by punching it once. The only person stronger than him I knew was my father.

The Sadist was about to get destroyed. Just like everyone else, I rushed to see this fight.

I heard two third years talking.

"But seriously, what is Kamui thinking? Picking up a fight against a junior..."

"Well, I heard that Kamui isn't the one who decided to fight... The kiddo did."

"Really?!"

So the Sadist knew what he was doing. At least, I hoped so. But when I saw his eyes, filled with rage, I knew he didn't. He just wanted my brother to pay for something.

"Before we start, may I know why you're looking as is you were about to cut me into pieces?"

"Oh, come on. Can't you figure that out by yourself?"

"Nope, seriously, I usually don't involve you freshmen into anything, so I don't know. The only freshman I talked to was... Oh."

My brother looked amused. A smile appeared on his face.

"So what? Is this for her sake or something? Did she ask you to do that?"

I had the feeling they were talking about me, but I couldn't understand the situation.

"No brother in the world should say such things to his sister. No brother in the world should wish his sister's death. No brother in the world would blame and leave alone his five-year-old sister. How can you blame her for acting like any five-year-old kid would do? If you want to blame someone, blame your father, blame yourself. You should have been with her. You still should."

That was the last straw. Kamui threw himself on the Sadist who barely dodged the punch. While he was recovering his balance, Kamui looked at me.

"Looks like someone else is going to be hurt because of you... Don't you ever bring anything good to people?"

This time, the Sadist tried to punch him, while I was frozen, the broken parts of my heart breaking into even smaller pieces.

I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but watching them punching each other, fighting each other with such violence that I had the feeling that one of them would not come out of this fight alive. And it was obvious that Kamui had the upper hand.

_Don't you ever bring anything good to people?_

He was right. Everyone I knew would see his life worsen and worsen. The Sadist was going to lose, and that was because of me.

_You were the light that guided him out of the darkness._ No. I didn't do anything wrong. I helped him. I wasn't even aware of it, but I helped him. I showed him he was not alone. And neither was I.

"STOP THAT!"

Someone yelled. And, apparently, it was me. My brother held his fist above the face of the Sadist, looking at me. I was burning with anger.

"Stop. Don't hit him anymore. Why are you doing that anyway? Don't you feel like you're the one at fault anyway? _Mami_ was worried because of your horrible friends. She feared every day that the police would come and tell that you were killed in a fight. _Papi_ only slapped you when you were telling him that you wanted to drop school because street fighting was better. When you left, he felt like his education was a failure. He didn't want me to become like you."

Kamui was looking shocked. I guess he never thought I could be so angry at him, me, the little, innocent and weak girl he ran away from.

"Your version, telling I killed Mami, was interesting. I guess I believed it. But you know, someone taught me I wasn't as bad as I thought. So how about you start remembering wrong memories and face the truth? It was never about me. You just decided to hate me because you couldn't bear the guilt. Stop it. You are free to hate me, to hit me, but..."

I walk towards him, placing my self between the Sadist and him.

"If you ever touch my friends again, I'll kill you."

I was serious. Deadly serious. He wasn't my dear big brother anymore. He was just a threat to my life. I was sick of hiding because of him. And I would do what it takes to be fully happy.

He smiled. Not a smirk, a truly amused smile.

"You've got some guts. But that's fine. You want me to hit you? Here I go then."

I didn't see that coming. I mean, I saw his punch coming, and I clenched my jaw, ready for the blow. But it never came. There were a lot of people standing in front of me. All the people of my class. Protecting me. They just stood there, silent. In front of them, casually stopping the powerful punch in one hand, a cookie in the other hand, our teacher was looking as bored as ever.

"Yosh, yosh, I'm pretty sure fratricide isn't allowed in the school's rules, so just keep your hands away. Oh, and let me add something, a personal rule."

His tone was as monotonous as ever, but the threat was clear.

"If you lay a hand on one of my students, you'll end up in a hospital bed, fed by tubes, for the rest of your life. Got it?"

Kamui withdrew his hand and left. My classmates, amazed, were looking at my teacher. Well, almost all of them. All but one.

A hand grabbed mine, slowly, almost shyly. The Sadist, his face bruised, offered me a smile. My fingers intertwined his and I smiled back. His voice was just a whisper.

"Hey, China, you know what? You are not alone."

"Neither are you, Sadist."

Tae gave us a bright smile.

"Won't you both eat with us today, instead of staying all alone, each one of you in a room?"

The Sadist shrugged and looked at me, as if waiting my opinion.

"Sure!"

_We_ were not alone, neither were we just the two of us. We were surrounded by loving and caring friends. Maybe we always had.

After the lunch, the Sadist offered me to walk me home.

And ever years later, after we graduated, after we went to different college, he would always walk me home. Not my home. _Our_ home.

And I knew this would last forever, because, on the last table next to the window of our old high school, an umbrella was carved with two names under it. _China | Sadist_

Our love was carved deep in the wood and it will last forever.

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_Fin~_

_Hope you liked it. I'm afraid that was a little bit too dramatic (especially when Kamui and Kagura meet in the corridor, or when Kagura answers back to Kamui in the middle of the fight)... :/ I promise I'll make a better one ! I'd like to write another one on this universe, but we'll see how the inspiration comes =D_

_Still, I wanted to talk about something really important here : racism in Japan. Many, many, too many people in Japan are still very racists. You don't see it much through the anime, but believe me : if you are not Japanese, no matter how long you live there, you won't be considered as one of them. Even in airports, there is a line for Japanese people and one for Foreigner... If you were thinking 'Japan is the best country in the world', remember that it is also a country thinking that the women' role is to stay at home, take care of the housework and of the kids... ;D_

_See you soon! (Before leaving, how about writing a review?)_


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